ÐÕLpHÌÑ'S DrEamLand

Sitting all alone right now, in my room watching my bidding item. My mind started to think of wad had happened yesterday. If only i would be able to turn back the clock, all those things won't happen. The day would probably end well. Stupid Swenson, if only swenson won't appear, bad things won't happen. The dessert won't pop into my mind if swenson wasn't created. I agree that im being lazy sometimes but i DO really run whenever available. Yup, im fat, im not perfect as most people wants me to be. Haiz.. Why must a day start well but end badly than imagined? Why can't it start well and end well too? Its very heartbreaking. During the 2 and a half yrs, its been filled with happy and sad moments. No matter how great the storm is, we've been thru and shed tears of sadness and joy along the way. Really hope this small storm could be over soon.

emo dol signing off x

November working schedule was out. Thought of giving him a surprise by sending him off at the airport on the day he leaves for Japan. But guess that morning shift is going to be a waste. Not sure how im going to spend it since he wants to be independent and does not want me to show up. Haiz.. plan spoiled. Probably he doesn't even wants to see me on his last day in sg or miss me when im not around. No choice, probably he has got his reasons... Not much high hopes on my gifts either since he's gonna focus on his training during his one week plus training. Got to make myself busy busy busy, in order not to think too much! 

Results for remodule's re-exams are out. A big fat Fail again. What a failure in life, failure in career, failure in studies, and failure in capturing his heart. Haiz.. gotta wait till next payday to pay for my re-exams + remodule fees, its not a small sum. Well, probably not going to work that hard the next time i remodule...

Gambatte dol, dun give up! =)

It was stupid of me to ruin everything yesterday. I told myself to control my temper before we met but i just couldn't take it. The mistake that i've made 2.5 years ago has been repeated yesterday.. stupid.. It should have been a happy off day but i crash it with my own hands, just because i refuse to listen to him. I really hate guys saying that im fat, and he keeps reminding me of it. Im just short and a little meaty, that's all. I really hate myself, am always thinking wad if i leave this world for gd.. maybe guys won't had their eyes suffer much when they see fat gals like me. All because of him, i went throught the slimming session with the centre and had lost few kgs but he did not even notice it. So wad if i lost some more weight? He probably won't notice it either.. very unappreciative. Its not that i hate exercise, its just that i gets heart and lungs pain when i do so. My gastric pains acts up too when i run. I've always been that weak, but nobody cares.

I know i was in wrong of my wilfulness character. It always makes guys wans to leave me. Really regret, but not sure how to save relationships.. The first one i made angry was Jeff, now him.. Perharps im not suitable to stay in this world.. Im a failure in everything, from studies to relationship. Really sorry for wad i've done, will make myself dissappear from the sight.

Tonite is indeed a surprise nite. I've finally met up with my primary sch friend after losing contact for eight years. We had a meetup in the evening at coffee bean. Upon the first sight, i almost couldn't recognise her. A model is standing in front of me! OMG! We had a long chat follow on, bringing up what had happen in our primary sch days in QIFA. We were trying to sum up the names of our classmates, but seems to have forgotten some of them. It seems to be quite nice to remember what happen during then and so on. Although we had changed in so much difference, but in our heart, we were always each other's closes mates. Following, we had a little shopping in Jurong Point 2 and she seems to be very shopholic with lots of shopping bags in hand. When the meet ended, we promise to meet up again and this time round, more primary sch friends will be joining.

Exam results out le! OMG! I've failed accounts again on re-module! Haiz... passing it is as difficult as striking a 4D.. Its my 3rd attempt on taking that exam module, and this shows that i really Really REALLY HATE ACCOUNTS!! Useless me, one single module take so long to study.. Giving up on that diploma? Probably not. I die die also must pass that diploma no matter how long it takes.

Wish me luck!

Photos were uploaded, enjoy!

Hiya! Its been a long time since i've blogged. I'm so excited yesterday, coz its my first time trying out the slimming session with Marie France Bodyline and it was filled with a mixture of excited and torturing. Why? It first started with the body wrapping which was quite cooling and i felt like a wrapped dumpling.. hehex. Then, it proceed on to the "Hot Blanket" which i was suppose to do some body massage on the hot bed (Really very hot) and wrapped up by some "blankets". I could almost feel my legs on fire and my whole body burning! I had to suffer the torture for around 20 minutes or so before i could take a bath.. well, no choice, who asked me wanting so much to stay slim.. lolx..

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Today after work, i went out with Jack to liang court. He was bragging again on how intelligent he is.. I couldn't stand it and make a joke on him but he suddenly twisted my left arm so much that it sprained my veins..It was quite painful..

I of coz threw a temper on him and he was apologising repeatedly, hoping to appease me and calm me down. Up till now, it was still very pain. Well, finally know that guys are very very very violent and could not be joked with especially guys who learnt martial arts of some sorts...

Out of the blue while i was bored, a question comes to my mind: "Can love once lost be retrieved?" A definate answer would be NO. Its no use crying over a spilled milk. There may be broken hearts in the past, too deep to sew back or other reason that leads to seperation between two couple. Whatever the reason that is, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have both come back again. Even if they are back into the relationship again by a small chance and the heart is being taped back, there may still be cracks everywhere. So in my opinion, it is best not to retrieve lost love or there would be regrets. Happiness is not guaranteed.

Well, i have to end it here and get my beauty rest before black naughty rings comes out from eyes to play. Gd Night and cheers to new relationship!!

After weeks of stressful battle, i'm proud to announce that I'M FREE AT LAST!! So glad coz i've been burning nites of midnite oil, spending my youth away with studies all for this moments.. hehex. For now, i can concentrate on maintaining my personal wellbeings le, YAY!